Reflections during the last first week of OSSM.
The last first week of senior year at OSSM has officially come and gone. The 5:30 lab that stranded you in the halls of the Sampson past dinner. Drowsy mid-afternoon visits to the computer lab to check your email before rushing off to class. Resurrections performed every morning upon the beckoning of your alarm. Ambitious 4:00 AM. Sustainable 6:00. Realistic 8:30. For days. Weeks are decades that pass in a minute.
The proverbial weekend arrives. Reflection occurs in intermittent thoughts between text to homework to screen to long extended conversations that reveal nuggets of shared understanding with people you are close to not particularly due to desire, but rather, coincidence. There is no denying that you and I are leaving here different from the people that we were upon entering.
The streams of consciousness that follow are a few reflections that have followed some of us seniors from our last convocation to our last first week of OSSM. Warning: Angst. Lots of it.
“We get to church for convocation 10 minutes before the ceremony starts, and just seeing all of our class there, kind of overwhelmed me. Like, we finally made it. We’re here, as seniors. This is the last year of high school."
“I don’t have that feeling though. OSSM doesn’t feel like a regular high school in the quintessential sense."
“I don’t know about you, but over the summer, I asked myself, “Which colleges do you want to apply to, which programs,” and sort of developed the sense that this is our last year of high school, and even though OSSM isn’t a regular high school, you still know it's high school. So going to convocation is like marking our last year, you know? To be a part of this place, to be a part of this school system."
“Yeah. As a senior, I definitely feel a more dignified version of what this school is about, whereas last year, I felt like I was floating around, trying to get through. And I’m still trying to “get through." (laughter)."
“I think what got me the most was Monday night. I felt like I had been here for a month. But the change of pace with the juniors was helpful. It’s also funny to see the juniors try so hard. They study during the day and have fun at night. The seniors are the opposite. But I feel so drained, at this point. This summer was especially hard, because while your friends from your old school are doing busy things and since this is your last first, you want to enjoy it with someone to make it memorable."
“I think it’s only once you are in a position to be able to look back on those memories are you able to enjoy them fully."
“Yeah, that’s why I felt so much anxiety as convocation—it felt like I was back. With people that you can enjoy stuff with. You won’t be lonely here, besides your moments of solitude…This place has definitely sapped my energy, but it gives back more."
“The amount of unprecedented communication and support during orientation really surprised me and I wish it was a part of my first few days of OSSM. For us, the support system at OSSM was there, but only if you sought it. Whereas this year, it’s handed to the juniors, with the mentor system and feedback loop."
“I feel like, coming to OSSM, I’ve realized the disconnect that’s now formed between myself and friends [at home and at my old school]. Like, I often ask myself, who would I be friends with in the future? I feel like, I’ll gain more knowledge, and then when I return, I’ll try to forget our differences and maintain that sense of my self that they expect. I’m growing more, I guess maturing, but more intellectually, not just personality-wise."
“I feel like I experience that more with my parents. I find that they give me advice that they think is useful for the person that they think I am becoming, but personally I don’t find compelling at the point I’m at. Sometimes, I can already see my parents or best friend’s reaction to a question I’ll pose, and I’ll ask myself, how can I phrase things to get a different reaction?"
“I think also OSSM instills in us a sense of leaving a legacy—you see people who have gone through to become CEOs, invented things, etc—and what’s constantly on my mind is “How do I accomplish this?” and I constantly doubt myself about the flaws that will eventually add up and prevent me from doing things I want."
“Yeah, but if you do that, you’ll build yourself a wall of expectations that you can’t meet and will come falling down. I also think that, yes, there are disappointments, but there never is a finish line. There’s always more to be done, and that’s the beauty of it."