Pew Research Center has recently released a paper finally putting an end to the debate over how much weight standardized testing should hold. Turns out your worth as a human being is directly related to what you scored on the ACT.
Some of the paper’s findings are fairly obvious. For example, those that score higher are much more likely to feign bashful behavior when complimented, leading others to believe they are humble and down to earth. Similarly, parents of those that score higher were much more likely to bring up their brilliant child’s score around coworkers even when unprompted. Both of these greatly add to an individual's worth.
However, other findings were not as expected. According to the paper, ACT scores greatly influence the underground human organ trade. “A kidney will normally go for about $200,000 or so, but if that kidney came from someone who scored a 33 or higher on the ACT, then buyers are willing to pay upwards of $400,000,” Jimmy “The Harvester” Salvatore, a prominent figure in the organ trade, is quoted saying. “There’s just something about knowing they were able to answer some questions over a passage taken from Pride and Prejudice quickly and accurately that makes these buyers go nuts.”
Most surprising though was a direct statement from the Creator himself. “Of course doing unto others as you would have them do unto you and turning the other cheek are important, but let’s just say if you made below a 30 composite, you may or may not burn in Hell for eternity.”
With this newfound information, we asked OSSM students for their take. Here’s what they said:
“I always had a feeling that I was better than everyone else, but it’s nice having proof that I actually am.” - Shubham Gulati
“I guess carrying around a paper copy of my score report all this time wasn’t for nothing after all.” - Catherine Tang
“I can sell my kidneys for how much?!” - Jenna Abouzahr
“I better show this study to my mom so I can get out of going to church.” - Jeffrey Liu